Abigail - Sweet Baby Metal Slut (2009)

Abigail is another of those veteran Engrish metal bands that we love to hate and hate to love (similar to Metalucifer), but if you can look past the smutty album covers, song titles and appreciation for...well, the female form, Sweet Baby Metal Slut is honestly a pretty kickass metal album, with a grit to it that very few can muster while simultaneously writing kickass, hook-laden tracks. In fact, were it not for Yasuyuki's craven black snarls over the music, this album would truly belong in the early 80s with then-emerging Motorhead and Venom.

Seriously. I am not kidding when I tell you that this is the best Abigail full-length yet, and only their fourth (most of their extensive discography consists of live records and split releases). Each of the 10 tracks here is a serious ass kicking, from the burning punk/speed-inspired riffing to the wild, old school leads and the bite and bark of Yasuyuki's filthy vocals. "Metal Evil Metal" opens with a classic, bluesy riff that instantly had me, as visions of 70s and 80s hard rock and NWOBHM began dancing through my skull. All you need is a good pickup truck, a denim jacket adorned with patches, a few beers, a good warm woman and this fucking song to experience the full range of what life has to offer.

After the metal war, the world is so still
No poser is living after kill
Over the burning hell life will go on
Blazing up to the sky
Once you stop pressing 'repeat' for this track, you'll enjoy the bruising "Metal Bitch Inferno" and the southern grooves of "Satanic Hell Slut". There is a grungy, punk abandon to "Sweet Bloody Cunt" and the driving, titillating "Tokyo Pussy Girl", and the show does not stop here. "Teenage Metal Fuck", "Wild Fire Metal Bitch" and "Final Metal Attack" are all INTENSE. Any one of these tracks could serve as the life anthem for anyone I have ever considered a hero in this world. The final track "Sexual Metal Holocaust" is an excellent thrasher certain to level back alley bars and clubs all over Nippon.

Yeah metal bitch come on
I saw you dancin on down the line
Your so nasty and metal bitch
Metal baby that's all night with me
Sexual metal holocaust
Beer! Metal! Sex!
Sexual metal holocaust
Fuck me metal bitch

As you can probably tell, the misogyny of the lyrics is quite intentional in that fun, 'take this seriously and you're a goddamned fool' way. The music itself is raw, there is no better band of this style to street fight to, especially with broken bottles, chains, 2' x 4's and whatever else you can scrape up from the nearest dumpster. There is no shortage of testosterone on Sweet Baby Metal Slut, and the album is so goddamn good that it surpasses 'classics' like Forever Street Metal Bitch and Lust and Intercourse. This is pretty much the apex of what Abigail has set forth to accomplish in this twisted world, where innocence is but a myth. Do not pass this record by.

Verdict: Epic Win [9/10] (dance on pentagram queens of metal bitch)