I have started this blog as a new outlet for creative and critical reviews of various media: from metal albums to fiction novels to the latest films and anime. I will not be alone in this endeavor, other authors will be invited to share their opinions, including the posters at the Penny Arcade metal threads.
Ratings will function on a simple, self-explanatory scale:
UPDATE: In order to comply with the cross-posting of reviews to aggregate sites, and for the use of bands' press kits, I have begun to score my reviews numerically, in addition to the tags. The following is a breakdown of my review scores:
100% [10/10] Timeless, flawless, will still be listening to this in 20 years.
95% [9.5/10] Damn near flawless, and extremely memorable.
90% [9/10] A fine example of its genre, well worth the investment.
85% [8.5/10] A great album, but on the bottom rung of what I'd paid for.
80% [8/10] A great album, worth buying if you collect the artist or genre.
75% [7.5/10] A good album, but I probably wouldn't buy it.
70% [7/10] Successful, but hovering just about the level of mediocrity.
65% [6.5/10] It's not bad, but you'll forget it just after listening.
60% [6/10] Basically the median for most metal albums released.
55% [5.5/10] Average with perhaps the spark of a good idea or two.
50% [5/10] Not offensive, but entirely mediocre.
45% [4.5/10] Pretty weak, but things could be worse...
40% [4/10] Things are worse. Not worth the media it's printed on.
30% [3/10] I recognize this as music, but it's painful to listen to.
20% [2/10] Proof that we live in a cruel, cruel universe.
10% [1/10] You're kidding me, right? Where's the hidden camera?
0% [0/10] A special place, beyond the rainbow.
100% [10/10] A masterpiece of cinema, will be talked about far down the road.
95% [9.5/10] Close to perfect, essential for fans of its genre.
90% [9/10] An excellent film, buy or die.
85% [8.5/10] A great film, and well worth owning.
80% [8/10] Very well done, worth purchasing the DVD/Blu-Ray if you enjoy the series or genre.
75% [7.5/10] Good, but probably not worth buying.
70% [7/10] Good enough to watch once at the theater or at home.
65% [6.5/10] Some positive aspects, but other flaws hold this at the level of mediocrity.
60% [6/10] It's average in every way, and not really worth the hours of your life.
55% [5.5/10] Had an idea or two that was decent, but you'll be distracted by the rest.
50% [5/10] Not awful, but no reason to see this.
45% [4.5/10] You will leave this with a sour taste in your mouth.
40% [4/10] A weak movie with numerous glaring flaws.
35% [3.5/10] Crushing disappointment, the film does not even acknowledge its potential.
30% [3/10] Trendy garbage for the teens and tweens, no substance and no performances of worth.
25% [2.5/10] A homeless drunk filming himself urinate is more entertaining than this.
20% [2/10] Sodomizing yourself with an ice pick while chugging vinegar is more entertaining than this.
15% [1.5/10] I demand reparation fees for the time spent wallowing in this misery.
10% [1/10] How could you live with yourself?
0% [0/10] Probably has Michael Cera in it, or sparkly moping vampires.
REVIEWS: All entries should be tagged appropriately.
Albums: country of origin, state, year of release, musical genre(s), artist, tag rating
Novels: author, title, year of release, genre(s), country of origin, tag rating
Games: year of release, genre(s), title, tag rating, country of origin
Films/TV: year of release, genre, director, title, tag rating, country of origin, series affiliation
Watch the first few posts for examples. Reviews should not be more than 5-8 paragraphs (some exceptions will be made). Creativity is encouraged. Remember that 'constructive criticism' is a subjective term so get on with your bad selves. I'd prefer to avoid duplicate reviews, but you are welcome to argue the merits of a review in the comments.
Do not post links to albums or other media downloads without the express permission of the IP holder. Most of my metal reviews are cross-posted to the Encyclopedia Metallum, a great resource site. Other authors are encouraged to do the same!
THEMES: I will often host theme weeks, months, or quarters, in which most reviews posted, other than new releases, will conform to a single sub-genre, nationality, etc. These serve the purpose of fun, and will also help flesh out the blog with an ample supply of material.
The title of this blog was inspired by the Ray Bradbury novel of the same name.