Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dol Theeta - The Universe Expands (2008)

Alright, who wants some techno/prog metal? Come on, raise your hands, I know you do.

You do? You sad little fucker. Go sit in the corner and listen to Dol Theeta, that should fix you right up.

Dol Theeta are a Greek band comprised of a few members of Dol Ammad, who also play progressive metal with heavy electronic elements. I guess this is just the same band, but they ditched the choir for...probably so they could make more money, I'm guessing.

Now, a mixture of prog and techno isn't necessarily that bad of an idea. I mean, prog is generally boring and self-indulgent on its own, but it usually turns out kinda cool when paired up with a more interesting musical genre. So what's the problem here? Dol Theeta managed to grab everything that's uninteresting about both types of music, yet pretty much none of the good parts. The production on the album is probably the only thing that I can commend. Clear, bright, snappy, very modern and professional. If you can't have intrinsic beauty, might as well hide it with expensive clothes, eh? I do kind of like the singer's voice.. Her tone is a nice bridge between something you'd hear on a Tiesto album, but all soary and epic for the power metal kids. And hell, she might have actually been able to come up with interesting, dynamic vocals if the music itself had any merit (but I doubt it).

But, no, instead we get everyone's favourite beginner prog riffs and solos, all swathed in spineless techno. There is no complexity, no spirit, no aim or progression whatsoever. Sure, they muster up a big fancy sound at the peaks of the songs, it's all very shiny and pretty, but that can't save them. It's the classic mediocre European power metal formula - slap up some shitty guitarwork to give it that metal edge, then smother it in keyboards and hope that no one notices the lack of talent behind the fancy sheen. Electronica may be a new twist on it...doesn't change a thing. I'm sure you get the picture already, this is all rather textbook.

The music is bad, that's for sure, but it's the little things that really do it. For instance, "Afterlife Crescendo" cuts out at the end with the phrase "again" (according to the lyrics. I swear she's saying begun) panning to the left speaker, where it proceds to echo long past the point of ridicule. The best part? Give it a sec...after a pause, it start up again in reverse. I choked from laughing so hard, that's how bad it is. Oh, and the random as fuck sample in the middle of some girl saying "Oh my god." The lyrics to that song are amazing, too. Here's one of the best parts:
Who's the one who spreads the
Tickets to a brand new
Start away from sorrow
Afterlife crescendo
Imagine the old Daytona USA theme song and you're already getting better entertainment.

This was hard to keep listening to beyond the first couple songs. Seek out for humour purposes only (it's kind of worth it for "Afterlife Crescendo"...kind of), otherwise you can forget that it exists.

Verdict: Fail [2/5]


autothrall said...

Day toooooooooo na!

Hey, I loved that song. Sega Saturn for mother fucking ever.

is this your life? said...

yeah, I actually do love that song, too. It just popped into my head when I was reading those lyrics, and I wanted to think about it instead.