Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

SPOILERS AHEAD. Not that you should care.

Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave is apparently the fifth film in a series that goes back to the mid-80s, although you couldn't tell from watching it. The title tells you two things: zombies, cheesiness. While the latter is there, it's not in the fashion of Shaun of the Dead, rather in a hamfisted manner that isn't funny or entertaining unless you happen to enjoy movies that are just genuinely bad. The story is this: two gangsters (could be Russian or Italian, their accents are so bad I couldn't tell) are searching for canisters of toxic zombie gloop, one of which falls into the hands of a college student who uses it to create a new drug. It turns the user into a zombie, of course, and you can see where things are going considering the movie is named after a rave.

The zombies all look really unimpressive, most of them with just facial makeup, and their shambles are unconvincing when they bother to even try. What's more is there are actually not that many in the film. Even during the big party where a drug that literally turns you into a zombie, there's just extras running around in the background and no horde to speak of. The one makeup job that is actually pretty good is an apparent holdover of the series, a single toxic zombie who feels tacked on, and never gets into any action. Literally. He's pointless in the movie, looking scary and yet used as a comic relief briefly and uneffectively.

The characters are cardboard cutouts, and after watching the entire movie last night I could not tell you their names. I even glanced through the cast on IMDB, and the only thing I recognized from the entire body of work was one girl's work on the Buffy spin off Angel. It definitely shows in their acting, and the editing doesn't do them any favors. Pauses between lines simply go on too long. There's no real pacing, the movie is simply stuck in first gear from the getgo. The wardrobe looks like stuff middle schoolers or high school freshmen would wear.

There are some half-decent zombie deaths, but as far as humans go, it's bad. They bite the skull directly nine times out of ten, and it looks more as if they're pulling red hair off the scalp than doing any damage. The movie has the occasional appearance of breasts to keep you awake, and wow, is it ever needed. One good thing about the movie is it looks decent, like a glossy studio comedy. However, whatever credit that might have gave it is pissed away in a part where there is strobing lights that will literally make your eyeballs hurt. I had to look away.

A look at the DVD case art would lead the inexperienced buyer to think that this movie is legitimate, which is unfortunate as it is a steaming pile of shit. I could go on and on about how bad this movie is, but I think I've already wasted enough of my time with this cash grab failure. Stay far away.

Verdict: Epic Fail [0/10]

http://www.returnofthelivingdead4and5.com/