In yet another nail in Brendan Fraser's career coffin, he stars in this shoddy vehicle which DARES to take the name of the 1864 Jules Verne story. This is no remake, although it makes numerous references to the original. And if you thought The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor was wretched (and oh, it was wretched), you may be shocked to learn that he has starred in a film inferior to that within the same year!About the only positive thing I can say for this story is that somewhere, the intent was innocent. This was a film about some geologists who discover that the Verne story is actually based in reality. Professor Lidenbrock really discovered this lost world within the bowels of the Earth, and his exploits were followed over a century later by a curious adventurer /scientist. When this explorer disappears, his brother (Fraser) and nephew (a yo-yo slinging brat played by Josh Hutcherson) discover through his notes that he was a Vernian. They fly out to Iceland, meet mountain guide/romantic interest plant Hannah (played by Anita Briem who looks lost through half the film), and set off in pursuit, getting themselves trapped and then narrowly escaping a series of too-close situations in true, lazy, uninspired Hollywood fashion.
Now, I LIKE the idea of Verne's story being real...and people finding this out through an adventure. That's where the sole point came from. This could have been a passable movie, especially for the kiddies. Fuck, it could have even been a more serious film. This Journey is neither. It's a consistent string of mediocre special effects, bad acting and situations which will have you increasingly rubbing your temples and asking yourself 'why'?
For starters, the characters move through the environments so quickly that we never get a chance to actually appreciate the wonder of this long lost world. As soon as they arrive, the next disaster awaits and they are shuffled along through improbable feats of ingenuity. They quickly dispatch carnivorous flora, giant flying fish and subterranean thunder lizards with nary a bead of sweat (hell they hardly appear to be sweating in 110+ degree cavern climate...) I can buy a lack of reality or proper physics when it comes to some stupendous action flick, but for fuck's sake: this could have been done with the SAME actors, edited better, given better dialogue, and used nearly the same set of events with a more realistic approach. And it would only have benefited.
You'll never once feel any real danger for any of the characters, since their situations rarely reflect reality. During a mine cart crash sequence, we are expected to believe Anita Briem's character can stand straight on a push cart while plummeting many miles per hour, and then jumping across to another cart! We are expected to believe a massive T-rex like beast exists in a barren dry cavern network with a bunch of skeletons. How many pounds of meat would such a creature need to survive? The writers and director (Eric Brevig's directing credits to date included episodes of Xena the Warrior Princess...) are in such a rush to hit you with a joyride of forgettable action sequences that not once do any of the stunts elicit any wonder or 'wow factor'.I didn't catch this in its 3D incarnation, but I doubt that would make a difference. A flying fish leaping at you through the screen has nothing on Jaws. The acting couldn't be worse if delivered via telephone. During several scenes we get a close-up of Briem screaming in terror, so unconvincing that I almost broke down in pitious laughter. Fraser tries to appear vulnerable and "Rick" O'Connell at the same time, but it's another mediocre performance (his innocent swagger worked well in the first two Mummy films but he has since been unable to recapture it). We're a long way from School Ties, my friend.
I'd like to say there was a good score or super special effects to grant some salvation to this monstrosity, but such things do not exist for this film. The creatures look silly, the effects average at best. Even some of the green-screened backgrounds look rushed and terrible. A proper remake of the Jules Verne novel with a good budget and believable actors would be welcome, but it's a pity they couldn't have titled this Journey from the Center of My Rectum, because the smell is quite comparable. Will the insistence to dumb down entertainment for 'family' entertainment ever cease?
Verdict: Epic Fail [1/10] (Green shist, white shist, micro-guarded shist... )
http://www.journey3dmovie.com/
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