Death - Scream Bloody Gore (1987)

There are many arguments to be made about which album was the first 'true death metal' effort. Many would say Possessed takes this title, and certainly a case could be made, depending on where you feel thrash ended and death began. I like to take the safe route: the first pure death metal album is Scream Bloody Gore, the debut from Florida's legendary Death. The thrash elements remain, of course, since all death metal is derived from that, but this is the well from which so much of modern brutality has sprung.

Scream Bloody Gore is actually the work of only two musicians, the immortal Chuck Schuldiner performing all guitars, bass and vocals, and Chris Reifert (Autopsy, etc) behind the kit. It's a lot more primal than what you'd expect if you jumped on the Death-wagon during the years of Human, Individual Thought Patterns, or Symbolic. Despite what music theory dorks will tell you, the first three albums are the best of Death, because they were able to compose creepy, memorable music that really flaunted the...er...'virtues' of the form: evil sounding rhythms, brutal vocals, and excellent musicianship, without falling off the deep end.

Under command a new-born child
Submerged in blood, the dead they smile
Growing possessed, burning inside
A bloody feast for us tonight

"Zombie Ritual" is easily the most recognizable track from the album, with its evil intro rhythm and flawless bloodflow of gory bludgeoning riffs, but there are many moments that glisten with with the sanguine discharge of its victims. "Denial of Life" has killer bridge and chorus riffing, a thrashing that is both creepy and happy. "Regurgitated Guts" is a hostile riffing beast, and "Baptized in Blood" has some excellent, maddening leads over the driving thrust of its rhythms. "Torn to Pieces" is another maniacal murder anthem that stands out on the album. The rest of the tracks are good, and this is still an album I can listen to all in one sitting, though a few lack that something 'extra'.

As for the downside, the lyrics here really blow, loaded with crappy rhyme schemes and disturbed imagery that a middle schooler might draw in his notebook when he's pissed off at the teacher. You won't find any of the pseudo-psychological, 'mature' tripe of the band's later work here. Just blood, guts, and loathing. But you can only get so much mileage out of:

Watch you bleed to death
Gasping for last breath
Choking on your blood
I shit onto your guts

Alas, thousands of death metal bands would use this simpler brand of lyrics for decades (pick a Mortician record at random, and read the lyrics), so despite my distaste, they were still an influential aspect of the record. The mix of Scream Bloody Gore is burly and raw, I think it remains intense and unforgiving and another reason I miss the standards of the 80s. As cult and important as the record is, I honestly favor its followup Leprosy, which is loaded from front to back with insanely great riffing. But this grandfather of death metal is still superior to about 99% of the genre's output since 1987.

Highlights: Zombie Ritual, Denial of Life, Regurgitated Guts, Torn to Pieces, Evil Dead

Verdict: Epic Win [9/10] (time to pay the gruesome price)

http://www.emptywords.org/

Black Sheep (2007)

Really, it was only a matter of time...

Part kiwi sheep comedy and part tribute to campy horror schlock of eons past like Night of the Lepus (1972) or The Killer Shrews (1959), Black Sheep is a New Zealand film directed by newcomer Jonathan King, and stars a largely unknown cast.

Henry Oldfield returns to his family's successful farm after 15 years. He left when his father fell to his death off a coastal cliff in a herding accident. As a result, Henry has a severe phobia of sheep. He has returned to claim a check for half the farm, from his brother Angus. Angus was ruthless with the sheep as a child, and ruthless even to young Henry, who he would play pranks on. Gee, I smell poetic justice on the horizon! Angus and a team of mad scientists have come up with a genetic formula that can mutate sheep with human DNA to look better and act smarter, and when a pair of hippies (including the lovely Danielle Mason as Experience) decide to spring some sheep, they wind up stealing and releasing a mutated infant sheep. All hell is about to break loose...

***BAA BAA SPOILERS***

The first thing you'll notice is just how beautiful New Zealand is, YET AGAIN, on film. If you watch this in HD you'll see sweeping, lush landscapes courtesy of some stunning cinematography which is far too good for this film. The makeup and special effects are likewise top notch, from the piles of gore left sopping about to the transformation sequences (man to goat...goat to man...goat to......goat). They remind me of Peter Jackson's early films, probably not a coincidence. It seems quite a budget went into producing what was likely some kid's college film project. There is a satisfying level of gore in the film, but several of the death scenes are annoyingly left to the imagination: we see an attack, we see the aftermath, but we are left blank on the actual kill. They almost make up for this during Angus' presentation scene, when an army of mutant sheep converges on the guests and slaughters them brutally, but so many of the 'victims' look like they're laughing while being maimed that it's not as effective as one would hope.

The story is rather stupid, and there are numerous situations which involve throwaway toilet humor that I probably wouldn't find funny if I was still 5 years old. If you're into special effects and New Zealand scenery, or stupid horror films in general, then this is well worth a viewing. I especially liked the sheep-man wereform, which was pretty damn cool. And yes, the poetic justice goes above and beyond what you're expecting.

Verdict: Indifference [6/10]

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Morality sucks! And so does this film!

I've always lauded the Scream series as being the low point for the slasher film, generic crops of beautiful people scythed down by a masked killer, sequel after sequel, an audience full of airheads, but I've decided the time has come for fairness. The slasher film blew chunks long before the original Scream ever hit the theaters, and Wes Craven himself was already one of the guilty parties.

One of the worst possible snafus you can place in a horror film is an antagonist who follows no rules, who can do essentially anything he/she/it wants. This is the reason so many shitty ghost films fail to elicit any horror, because the ghosts use any random tactic for a cheap 'scare'. Without a finite sense of place (i.e Alien, The Thing, and every other classic horror film), and a framework to work in, there can be nothing truly terrifying. So a maniacal serial killer who murders you in your dreams, where he can teleport, and do just about anything the film requires to kill a few minutes in the death scenes, is not my #1 choice.

The film stars John Saxon and a young Johnny Depp among a cast of relative nobodies, and Robert Englund plays the iconic dream slasher Freddie Krueger. Englund definitely had the look and the charisma to engrave the character into our collective pop culture, but every other character in the film is awful, the kind of awful that has you staring at your watch, waiting for them all to die so you can get the fuck on with your life. Unfortunately, they don't all die. Everyone knows the plot of this film: dream stalker picks off the cool kids in an average suburban town.

Did you seriously just tear open a feather down with your claws, Freddy? THAT IS NOT SCARY BRAH.

Even if viewing this from a nostalgic point of view, the film is bad. It's bubblegum. The acting is bad. The script is bad. The gory scenes are simply ripped from others (The Exorcist, etc). The score is typical of the 80s mainstream horror, and I like the synths, but they don't add much by way of atmosphere since everything playing out on the screen is so lousy. It's not scary at all, even for the 10 year old Autothrall who was so excited to have his daddy bring him to the matinee. And shall I even get into the long string of sequels which are even more worthless than this original? I like Jackie Earl Haley as much as the next guy, but I fail to see how even he will help resurrect this ailing, miserable franchise when they release the inevitable remake in 2010...yeah...Michael Bay...yeah.

25 years might have passed, Craven, but I still want my freakin' money back!

Verdict: Fail [3/10] (Hey, up yours with a twirling lawnmower!)

The Strangers (2008)

The home invasion horror flick has seen a resurgence in recent years, what with the remake of Michael Haneke's Funny Games last year and The Last House on the Left remake earlier this year. Neither was very good, and though The Strangers is a new property, loosely based on a real story, it also leaves a lot to be desired.

Brytan Bertino directs, Liv Tylers plays the role of Kristen, and Scott Speedman is her boyfriend James. After a wedding, a drunken James brings Kristen back to his father's isolated summer home. The two are having a lovers spat over a marriage vow, but shortly they'll find they have much bigger problems. A trio of masked psychopaths has decided the couple will make the perfect mark for a night of bloody entertainment.

The film is often erratic, with its characters making some unexpected decisions, but this actually lends to the realism being attempted. The musical selections on the record player in the house are quite good, they add to the mood. The pacing is quite nice, and the film hones in on creating real scares rather than just layer on the gore, but at the same time, it's just not very interesting. The three 'Strangers' cut freakish figures in their masks (especially the bagheaded male, who looks depressed in his cover), and they make up for their lack of any real menace by making some calculated, intelligent decisions on how to keep the leads terrified. The end of the film comes fast, it's under 90 minutes, and the resolution is very predictable and dull.

***SINISTER SPOILER***

I've read that a sequel is in the works, and Liv Tyler has signed on for it...so it's obvious when she screams at the end of the film and grabs the little Christian kid who discovers her in the house, she's probably not dead. I'm assuming the sequel will involve a revenge plot, and in my opinion this sort of contradicts the gritty realism of this original.

The Strangers is not the worst I've seen, but the villains are not as diabolical as Funny Games (not even as wild as Michael Pitt's character in the remake). The leads do what they can, with what they are given, but Liv Tyler is at that level where you just kind of think it's Liv Tyler in the film, and not a prepared role. The film is pretty short, and weak as far as content, but if you enjoy this sub-genre of suspense horror, you might want to give it the once over. It's nothing to write home about, even if that home is being invaded by three masked, murderous mischief makers.

Verdict: Indifference [5/10]

http://www.thestrangers.net/

Unanimated - Ancient God of Evil (1995)

Although I remember Ancient God of Evil as one of the better albums in the first wave of melodic Swedish death metal, it has never been my personal favorite from Unanimated; my cravings lean towards their debut In the Forest of the Dreaming Dead, and their recent reunion effort In the Light of Darkness is probably better than both of them. Having recently gone back to revisit this record, I can say that, while competent and wonderfully mixed for its day, it's loaded with the sort of melodic riffs that just don't stick with me.

Fortunately, the album is also pretty heavy, and the band's use of acoustics and atmosphere on some of the tunes really lend it a depth that many of its peers did not possess. A few examples would be "Ruins", which starts off with a creepy but wondrous melodic line with some synths, then bursts into a raging, if simple verse rhythm. "Mireille" is a tranquil instrumental, opening with acoustics that flow into some electric guitars. Most of the straight, heavier fare is passable, a mix of the melodic and profane aggression, such as "Dying Emotions Domain" and the driving "Oceans of Time", but nothing stands out very far when you compare this album to an Elegy or Jester Race.

The silent years of helpless crying
The bridge of hate travels in my mind
Beyond all the doors of gruesome hunger
I hear the threnodes, i behold

The album maintains a large cult following, probably due to the fact the band never really 'sold out' or changed its style, like some of their peers. Though I respect it, I don't hold it in quite that much regard. It's a pleasant listen and sounds quite good even now, but there is nothing really memorable about it. Just a good album, lost to all but a few. And the title is a little misleading.

Highlights: Dying Emotions Domain, Ruins, The Depths of a Black Sea

Verdict: Win [7/10] (cold eyes floating within time as one)

http://www.myspace.com/unanimated08

Slayer - World Painted Blood (2009)

It's been 11 years now since Slayer screwed the pooch and released the abominable Diabolus in Musica. In the interim, we've gotten a pair of albums that, while not a total bust, were largely forgettable when compared against this band's body of 80s work. So three years pass after Christ Illusion, and the buzz is mounting for World Painted Blood, Slayer's 11th full length release. How does it stack up?

Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this question. World Painted Blood is by and large a thrash metal album, and I for one am grateful to hear it. But it's not a very good thrash album...it exudes none of the menace or aggression of their many classics, and part of that is a product of the album's production. Tom Araya still sounds quite fierce, but the guitars have a different, crunchy sound to them. This isn't to say they sound bad, but there is a sterile feeling to the album which often scored a few yawns while I was listening. The album does have a few blistering tracks, like "Unit 731" and "Hate Worldwide", which are certainly as explosive as anything else the band has produced in nearly 20 years. "Playing With Dolls" is an interesting track, which teases with some clean vocals and melodies before adopting some chugging, old school Slayer grooves and, well, 'bounce' like lyrics. But I found most of the other tracks to be rather ho-hum for Slayer, pleasant enough to listen through but creating no compulsion to replay.

Eclipsing our reason
Whipping burn
In high imitation
Scream for an act in vein
All of these cuts
Bled out hopelessly
Now I'm an act of rage!

To tell the truth, I'm not a whit disappointed by the album, because I have expected little to nothing from this band for years. Musically, the band shows they still have the chops to set themselves on fire. The sporadic leads are still in place, the lyrics are dark, the tone of the album vaguely summons forth nostalgia for Seasons in the Abyss. Of the 11 tracks and 40 minutes, there are about 10-15 minutes where I was clenching my fists and admiring the threat this band can generate. The rest? Meh. I doubt many of these tracks will be making their setlist in the years to come.

Highlights: Unit 731, Hate Worldwide, Not of This God

Verdict: Indifference [6.5/10] (that's why it's become my obsession, to treat God like an infection)

http://www.slayer.net

Venom - Welcome to Hell (1981)

You can write Venom's shock and schlock tactics off at your own risk, but there is simply no denying how raw and filthy the band's sound was in an era which was still reeling from the glam and prog rock of the 70s. Combined with a kick ass stage show and heaps of blasphemy, there was no way Cronos and crew were not going to make some ripples in a stagnant environment which was in the process of exploding with ideas. Maiden might have written about evil, but Venom WAS evil.

So why, then, does Welcome to Hell still stand so strong after nearly 30 years of increased brutality, studio wizardry and entire new genres of metal music? Because if you grasp the branches, follow them down the trunk to the roots, and then pull out those roots from the Earth, you will always arrive at the same place: Venom. So why not tap the source for some inspiration? Though it lacks the overdubs, snarls and grunts of modern extremity, Welcome to Hell still sounds excellent to these ears. Distorted bass, punk as fuck, raging rock rhythms on the drum and guitars that, frankly, sound like they are coming from someone who just learned to play the week before...and that's the appeal! Welcome to Hell is grunge, it is NWOBHM, it is black and death and thrash metal, before any of them.

Somewhere in time we were born,
And brought blood, lust, hatred and scorn,
Your sorry now you trusted me,
Now I command that you get down on your knees

It is impossible for me not to get wrapped up in nostalgia for this record, which is one non stop hard rocking beast after the next. "Sons of Satan" rivals Lemmy and his boys in the pure filth department, this is full on hellish roadkill burn. The title track reigns it back in with a classic riff, that...well...listen to the majority of speed, thrash and power metal bands of the past few decades. You will find this riff on most of their albums. "Schitzo" is good drinking, fucking and fighting metal after a hard day's work at the textile mill. "Mayhem with Mercy" is a nice acoustic tease for the brawny "Poison" to follow, and beat you with its treacherous fist.

Sitting close beside me,
Hand upon my zip,
Don't bother to take it down, honey,
It's about to rip,
She's mammy's little virgin,
Her daddy's all in pride,
But she welcomed me with opened legs,
Kept me satisfied.

A timeless anthem of misogyny? In 1981, that was just good fun. "Live Like an Angel, Die Like a Devil" is a roiling, noisy mass of black hysteria, with Cronos almost losing his voice in his crumbling cracker vocals. "Witching Hour" is rugged and raw, and one of my personal faves on this album, as if I could pick one, but listen to those noisy drums...what a racket! And it does not end there, with "1000 Days in Sodom" and the fist fighting "Angel Dust". "In League With Satan" still sounds brilliant, dark and troubled even after albums like Reign in Blood and In the Nightside Eclipse have come into existence. And the album saves one of its best for last, the spiteful "Red Light District". That is, unless you have the fantastic bonus tracks "In Nomine Satanas" and "Burstin' Out", both of which are great.

Welcome to Hell was a vortex of creativity that spawned countless impersonations. This is pretty much where it all came to a head...the theatrical misanthropy of black metal taking its queues from KISS and running with it as far as possible. Venom has always been controversial and polarizing, but they opened their career with two of the best metal albums in the history of this, or any genre.

Highlights: none of them. all of them.

Verdict: Epic Win [10/10] (I need a girl to set my venom free)

http://www.venomslegions.com/

Blood Ceremony - Blood Ceremony (2008)

Speaking as someone who takes any chance he can to revel in nostalgia over his hobby, Blood Ceremony came right out of left field and smacked me right upside the memory banks. Fusing a Sabbath-inspired storm of bluesy, bleak riffing with the folk flutes of Jethro Tull would be one thing, but this Canadian band goes a few steps beyond with Alia O'Brien's classic female rock voice, and a clear inspiration taken from early occult horror cinema. Their self-titled debut Blood Ceremony is both groovy and creepy, and a great fix for an afternoon of inhalations and fond remembrances.

The mix of the album is fully in line with its nature. Though more vibrant than their 70s counterparts, the guitars dial back the distortion to a simpler time, infused with both melody and menace. The flutes and sparse organs shine through perfectly, the album feels like a live performance in your Johnny Bravo decorated living space. The drums are tin and crashing, the bass is laid back. When the album crushes, it does so with a swagger: "Return to Forever" is vintage Sabbath, along with the take-no-prisoners grooves of "I'm Coming With You". When the album calms, it is every bit as convincing: instrumental "A Wind of Wizardry" glistens with folk acoustics and flutes that hearken back to decades, even centuries past. "Hop Toad" jams, and "Hymn to Pan" haunts with a vengeance, developing into a terrifying trip with its irresponsible slather of organs and evil.

Now Astaroth's ship sets sail across the sky
Through Saturn's yawning hail, and into the eye
Black magic rites profane
Wizards are oft' to blame

Many bands attempt to evoke the 60s and 70s, but only a few modern efforts have truly brought me back into the folded arms of those antiquated times. Alongside Sweden's Witchcraft, Blood Ceremony are one of the most successful. O'Brien's vocals are not always 100% interesting, they could use some more peaks and valleys rather than the often dull plodding within a safe range. A few of the riffs may be weaker than others, but in the end, the entire album shines as a single listening experience.

Highlights: Return to Forever, Hop Toad, Hymn to Pan

Verdict: Win [8.5/10] (look no further, than the burning sun yonder)

http://www.myspace.com/bloodceremony

Nightmare City (1980)

Originally titled Incubo Sulla Cittá Contaminata, Nightmare City is another early 80s horror film from the madman Umberto Lenzi. In my recent review of the hideous Cannibal Ferox, I had mentioned that he had directed some movies that were actually fun. Though in some areas it leaves much to be desired, Nightmare City is one such 'fun' film.

News reporter Dean Miller is awaiting an interview with a scientist at the airport, when an unidentified plane lands on the strip. The plane fails to respond to the tower signals, and when surrounded by the army, the door bursts open. The scientist and a terror squad of 'zombies' jump out and begin attacking the soldiers. For the rest of the film, the zombies tramp about the city and countryside, killing and/or converting everyone they come across. A few survivors eek out their last moments trying to escape from the nightmare.

Now, these zombies are a strange lot. They're not really even zombies, per se, but humans that have undergone some radioactive treatment that makes them very hard to kill, and extremely violent. Some of them appear to be decaying, at least their heads and hands, while others show only a few drops of blood on their faces. Many look like an animal took a squat on their heads. Through most of the film, they run about cackling and killing others with knives, but they can also equip guns if they want. They're not really stupid, and they seem to have a plan for the takeover of this region. Mexican born Hugo Stiglitz plays newsman Dean Miller, who is attempting to save his wife, a doctor, and he spends most of the movie fleeing from the zombies with the same, confounded look on his face. It's quite funny.

And speaking of faces, the film always takes these close-up shots of zombies as they are either about to kill someone or about to be destroyed themselves. It's a hilarious technique, especially since these actors look like regular joes and can make a wide variety of interesting faces. The movie is somewhat gory, a few zombies will rip off women's shirts to expose their breasts before stabbing them (and often eating said breasts). They seem to have a taste for blood.

Despite how goofy it all seems, the film does manage to elicit some horror from the viewer. These things are out to kill, and the population of the 'living' is dwindling by the moment, as more and more are transformed into raging killing machines. This is a long time before 28 Days Later, folks, and has that same sort of empty, apocalyptic vibe. There is such a long stretch of scenes of killing that it is difficult not to become engaged in the feeling of doom. The soundtrack is quite good, with a lot of creepy bass and proggish synth that were common for horror films of the period.

The end of the film is extremly frustrating, and worthless, but you could say the title was a 'dead giveaway'. It's cliche, and unnecessary, detracting from the 90 minutes you just spent viewing it. Still, Nightmare City is thrilling and fun enough that I'd recommend it to fans of campy but creepy zombie horror, at least to watch through once.

Verdict: Indifference [6.5/10]

Dismal Euphony - All Little Devils (1999)

Dismal Euphony would not peak until their 4th and final album, the brilliant and unorthodox Python Zero of 2001, but they produced two respectable melodic black metal albums in Soria Moria Slott and Autumn Leaves. Their third full-length, 1999's All Little Devils, is often lamented as some sort of gothic metal sellout, but this is pretty far from the truth, it's an album that takes the bands roots and adopts them to a more raucous, opera house environment.

My own mediocre reaction to the album has dissipated over the years, and now I consider it their second best release. Most of the tracks are a pleasure to listen to, even if they aren't individually that memorable. "Days of Sodom" is a rousing piece to open the carnival, with its Anja Natasha's vocals being used to a slicing effect over Ole's rasping counter, one of the most catchy tracks on the album. "Rage of Fire" is good gothic black with some nice, Katatonia-like cleaner guitars. "Victory" is another vehicle for Natasha's voice, which wanders through the empty night here almost like the title's imposed victory march. "All Little Devils" is like a gothic girl and a black metal guy on a swingset doing a musical together...

All little devils are dancing in ecstacy
Inspired by the taste of horror
Proud to be insane forever
Proud to be insane

After this point, the album becomes a mixed bag. "Lunatic" is a hybrid of melodic death and black metal. "Psycho Path" is a gothic anthem in which Natasha's lower range vocals have a rather cheesy impact, though not so bad if you're just into bad gothic rock of the 90s. "Shine for Me, Misery" is decent gothic black metal, ditto "Scenario", and the album closes in the somber instrumental "Dead Words". Oh, I get it. Clever.

All Little Devils has a lavish mix in which the vocals can shine without dominating the immense guitars. The symphonic bits (synthesizers) are done rather nicely, but not all of the songs are consistently good. The lyrics all seem to frolic along, but there are a few cringeworthy moments where they come across as cheesy with the vocals. Either way, it's an interesting little record, and Dismal Euphony would more than make up for any misgivings with their swan song Python Zero. Check this out if you want a more blackened version of old Theater of Tragedy, perhaps.

Verdict: Win [7.5/10] (the flames get higher, so burn!)

http://www.myspace.com/dismalofficial