Thursday, December 10, 2009

Paper Heart (2009)

In which Michael Cera perfects the art of being Michael Cera. Which is not as cool as being Jesse Eisenberg.

In which America realizes the culmination of awkward, independent films that have spawned from our emo, victim culture.

In which Seth Rogen actually appears in a film worse than Pineapple Express, which no one ever thought possible.

In which Autothrall found his patience tested upon the precipice of pulling the trigger, just to see if The Other Side has better movies than this one.

I have another idea for an indie flick. We film two squirrels sharing an acorn. For two hours. Maybe one will run up a tree. Maybe one will be run over by a motor vehicle, testing Darwin's Law. Maybe one will ask us to stop filming. Then we'll cut out 30 minutes so it will be more palatable to the teenage demographic, who will be busily texting away in the front row about Michael Cera, or nude photos of themselves which they will later regret. We'll screen it for a dozen or so independent film festivals, where people will probably walk out on it. Then we'll screen it in theaters, under the guise of Paper Heart, using the same title, showtimes and all.

No one will know the difference.

Verdict: Epic Frail [.5/10] (Queue that Haddaway song. Okay, squirrels, once more. Let's make it romantic, and let's make it hot.)


is this your life? said...

Daaaamn, .5? I don't think you've even score nu/fairy/melocore bands that low.

autothrall said...

This is worse than nu-metal or fairy metal...but about the same as boicore...since those are the kids who took their girls and guys to see this movie.