Costume Quest (2010)

Costume Quest is an adorable and genuinely funny spin on the traditional RPG, made manifest by Tasha Harris of Double Fine Productions, which as many might know is the development studio of Tim Schaefer, legendary game writer behind Psychonauts, Grim Fandango, Full Throttle, and several of the Monkey Island titles. Since the studio's last major console title Brütal Legend was more or less a flop (an underwhelming experience in my opinion), Double Fine decided to split into a quartet of smaller development teams, each working on a DLC title, and this is the first of these to see the light of day. The game is available on both XBox Live and PSN, and the version I'm reviewing here is that of the latter.

First off, I'd like to state that this is primarily a game geared towards younger players, which should be obvious from the art style. However, much of the humor and several of the references are also targeted at adults, and the very design of Costume Quest itself should be of interest to RPG afficionados, because it's quite wonderful. The urban, stylized RPG is not necessarily novel to consoles, not since Earthbound or Pokémon, but in truth, the setting here has a flavor far more reminiscent of the Penny Arcade: On the Rain-Slicked Precipice of Darkness titles, with a dash of Psychonauts thrown in to the character designs. At the start, you select one of two siblings to play, Wren or Reynold, but the story deviates little aside from the text. You advance through the plot by performing quests, collecting various cards and candies, and doing battle with adorable beasties like Grubbins and Crestwailers, and a few bosses.

Fetch quests are a bane to some, but personally I found that it was simple enough to collect the various costume parts and cards, especially since the dialog in between is such a treat (pun intended). These are truly humorous characters well above their years, and the incorporation of robots, witches, mummies, ninjas and pirates are all bound to invoke nostalgia for both the player's childhood and the many vapid internet memes they've likely encountered. It's important to remain vigilant about what powers each costume provides for you, and also to the environment in each of the three game areas, because there are a few hidden bits that might seem perplexing until you've had a good look around. Then again, I rather appreciate that the game wasn't some 100% pushover, though it's far easier than most RPGs and there are no options to increase the level of difficulty.

Speaking of which, combat here flows pretty freely, with each of your party members essentially becoming a giant-sized version of the current costume he/she is wearing. You'll only get three at most in your party, so the battles are relatively small scale. You have a basic choice of attacking or using a charge up move (every few combat turns), or using an active ability from a Battle Stamp that you've collected. Most of the fights are similar, and once you've equipped the cards and costumes you are most comfortable with, it's not exactly rocket science to succeed. The game also becomes notably easier when you've got the third party member. Most of the costumes are adorable, so it's worth the time to put them all together (even the 1-2 optional suits) and mess with their abilities. Boss fights are slightly more complex but there are not a lot of tactics, so at most you'll possibly fail 1-2 shots before figuring it out.


I've seen a lot of complaints that the mechanics in Costume Quest are dated, the battle system too simple, but it's important to keep in mind that most of these hail from jaded console gamers who salivate over each new Halo or Grand Theft Auto installment released. I found none of their quips to be an obstacle to my own personal enjoyment. The game auto-saves you in certain places, which has dismayed a number of players, since you can't actually save after each battle, but the auto-saves are close enough together (as in, almost every event or upgrade throughout) that they were never an issue for me, and who cares? As for the difficulty, this is primarily a seasonal game for children. Creating headaches for the hardcore enthusiast was likely not at the top of Double Fine's 'to do' list. The only gripe I could make about the title is that the goals in each of the three areas were too similar (same amount of apple bobs to win the grand prize, same amount of kids playing hide & seek, etc.), but this also warmly allows the casual player to have some idea of what to expect instead of keeping them on their toes.

In the end, I had a blast with the game, and for what I paid ($15) the 4-6 hours I spent with it were well worth the investment. The story itself is rather shallow, but the clever interactions between the major and minor characters more than compensated for it, as did the interesting means through which the RPG conventions were applied to the idyllic suburban setting. Just don't go into this expecting some Bioware level of complexity, lighten up and enjoy the ride, and you'll find yourself immersed in one of the cuter and most unique gaming experiences of late, regardless of your age.

Verdict: Win [8.5/10]

http://www.costumequestgame.com/

Grand Theft Auto 4: The Lost and Damned (2009, Xbox 360)

With a roaring introduction to a gang of all-American biker badasses, Rockstar's The Lost and Damned episode serves as an enticing return to Liberty City and all the virtues and vices therein. The Lost and Damned adds a few glittery bits to the GTAFormula (I'm so clever), but nothing here changes the overall mission structure or basic gameplay.

Let me just say this: I fucking love biker gangs. I love Hunter S. Thompson. I love Sons of Anarchy. My family has a history of outlaw bikers that goes back to some of the first days of Harley Davidson. I could not enjoy The Lost and Damned, no matter how hard I tried.

The Lost are an outlaw MC based out of Liberty City with an entirely forgettable cast of "characters". I put that in quotes because the characterization here is so lacking compared to the base game. One of them has a wife, that much I can tell you. Your character, Johnny Klebitz, has a junkie ex girlfriend that he just can't seem to shake. TLAD really shoots itself in the foot with characters pretty early on; the most interesting character, Billy Grey, (President of The Lost MC) falls out of the story just when things are getting rolling. Billy was a total prick, but well-written and well-acted, to the point where he was overshadowing everyone else in the same scenes. I was sad to see him go and even more sad that he doesn't really return much.

"Missed opportunities" seems to be the theme of TLAD. From the character problems I already mentioned to the under-utilized new mechanics introduced, the whole thing reeks of what could have been. Johnny can ride in formation with other bikers, refilling his health, armor, and repairing his bike. It's too bad that the other members of the Lost are such miserable fuckwits! As it stands, their erratic riding behavior and inability to turn corners lead to formations only working on long straight stretches of uninterrupted road. The formation mechanic, much like Billy Grey, also disappears early on in the game, never to return.

I hated the cycle of re-buying health and armor after every mission in GTA4, and formations seemed like a promising way to get out of that. Soon enough, though, I was calling up my body armor dealer every few minutes and eating as many hot dogs as I could. Why, oh why, couldn't I keep up the formation riding? It was pretty fun for the few moments that it lasted.

Despite being firmly planted in the boots of Johnny Klebitz, for all intents and purposes, The Lost and Damned could have been a Nikko Bellic adventure. You perform exactly the same kinds of missions for the same contacts; hell, you even end up doing a few of the same missions from the base game in a different perspective.

Not only will you be re-treading some ground with TLAD, you'll be losing some of the features that make GTA4 fun. I never encountered another outfit for Johnny, despite reading in a few previews that it would be possible to change his look. Lots of the interiors are gone from your map, though you can still frequent a Cluckin' Bell if you manage to find one that's open. You can still do side missions and hang out with your friends, but there's no real reason to anymore.

Though the overall picture is pretty grim, there are some things to like about The Lost and Damned. The new racing mode is gloriously reminiscent of the almighty Road Rash, with every racer armed with a baseball bat. Johnny K rarely travels alone, and you can call for backup from your brothers while out on "club business". The AI is surprisingly competent in a firefight, and it definitely takes some of the sting out of the still-terrible action mechanics.

Changes in the motorcycle physics have also lessened my disappointment in TLAD. No longer do you have to meticulously avoid contact with any other object in Liberty City when on a bike; your chopper has a real feeling of weight now and is far more useful as a vehicle. You'll still get shot at far too easily riding it around, but once you ride the new bikes, you'll feel like a chump climbing into a cage again.

If you're really, really hankering for more GTA4, The Lost and Damned may be right up your alley. It feels very tacked on to the original experience, and if you just can't get enough, you'll be satisfied.

The Lost and Damned is about $20 in MS funbucks. Not a bad price for the 10 or so hours of content, but not a good one either. If you simply must have more Grand Theft Auto, I'd at least recommend waiting until it's on sale. TLAD is very much more of the same, and it falls apart over the course of the game just like it's predecessor did. It's just that much harder to forgive the same flaws twice.

Verdict: Indifference [5/10]

http://www.rockstargames.com/thelostanddamned/index2.html

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (360, 2008)

I didn't go into The Force Unleashed with a lot of demands - give me shit to wreck, some jedi-on-jedi action, Star Wars music and locales, and I can enjoy myself. I knew that the game wasn't that well received by critics, but from what I could tell, it was supposed to be a flawed, yet fun game. I was prepared to deal with less than desirable mechanics before I even started, and figured that I would be among those enjoying some simple, lightsaber-branded fun.

Well, after a few levels of The Force Unleashed, I can safely say that I never want to pick it up again. I know this may make my opinion seem incomplete, but there are enough serious, fundamental problems that I've come across repeatedly in this short amount of time that I feel justified in my ability to review it. This isn't a completely horrible game - indeed, I can fully understand how some might enjoy it; however, it is most certainly not for me, and I would not recommend it to most serious gamers.

Where to start, hmm. Essentially, this is a game with many small, mostly inconsequential problems that might not bother everyone, but stick out blatantly and pile upon each other like a nest of ants in your cookie jar. Alright, let's look at one of the biggest underlying mechanisms - the physics in the game. I remember seeing Lucasart's tech demo for their new, next-gen engine showing all sorts of fancy reactions and destruction, thinking about how awesome it would be to have that in a Star Wars game. Well, The Force Unleashed put those dreams to rest. Perhaps I'm missing something. Perhaps the Kashyyk trees, when submitted to the forces of gravity after being cut, really do just break and crumble into pieces as they hit the ground. Maybe only some walls in the Star Wars universe can take cosmetic damage in very isolated places, almost as if the damage were scripted instead of actively rendered whatsoever. Certainly, it could be quite realistic for lightsabers to leave the same old superheated colour traces on inorganic materials, yet softly push enemies around. However, my inability to understand the combination of completely unrealistic or often absent physics severely impaired any sense I had of feeling connected to the game world and sapped all the infinite coolness of being a Force-wielding maniac like a ysalamiri biting the flesh in between my toes.

The next important aspect - actual gameplay. The Force Unleashed sports a workable, albeit completely soulless take on hack n slash fighting mixed with a few iconic force powers. There is only one lightsaber attack button, which you either mash alone or mix up with the force to do slightly fancier moves. This is suitable when dealing with basic enemies, as they crumble to pretty much anything that you do, but is it satisfying? Not at all; you really don't feel involved in the effortless killing. There are various reasons for this, but I believe that the underlying issue for myself was the way enemies react to your lightsaber, or should I say, lightstick. Rather than deftly slicing through the poor fools standing in your way, you merely bludgeon them around like hitting pillows with a tennis racket. Sometimes the lightstick even passes through them, but, aside from the stabbing finisher of one combo, these instances have all the heft of objects clipping through the environment. Now, as you might recall, I just finished up Ninja Gaiden II. I am quite likely to be a bit jaded when dealing with sword-based combat right now, but I am not holding The Force Unleashed up to those standards. No no, the lightsaber fighting here is just underwhelming, period. Wait a sec, Unicorn, you said the normal enemies are lame, but what about Jedi battles? Other Jedi provide unique experiences in the form of larger health bars and special abilities that the one of three common enemy types in each level only dream of having. Excitemente! As a thrilling example, I give you the second boss, who, upon being damaged to the flashing red, imminent doom point, begins spamming force push and saber throwing...constantly. Thankfully, my brilliant strategy of letting him pummel me mercilessly until he fell off of his platform and onto his face on the burning hot floor was a success. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. First, before I could set up my devious trap, I had to successfully navigate one of the most glorious, time-honoured gaming traditions - a QTE. Now, QTEs have their place - they were quite fun in Shenmue. But that was ten years ago. I no longer enjoy cut scenes that I not only can't watch, but can also fail, and putting them in as crucial boss moments (for every boss figure that I encountered in this game) does not impress me. Quite the opposite, in fact.

There are other aspects of the gameplay that I did enjoy, but even then there were problems. As always, it's good, wholesome fun to pick up objects and/or people in order to send them on their merry way. This was actually the only part that I really liked in the game. Sadly, it was already worn out by the third level, no longer feeling like a novel experience as I did it with the same objects on the same enemies repeatedly. There is also the prospect of exploration in order to find hidden collectibles, which, at one point, had me slotting single tie fighter wings into their transportation slots so that I could platform up to my delicious shiny golden box. I enjoyed that - physics "puzzles" are fun, platforming and exploration is fun, and hell, I even like collectibles. The problem is, every level is extremely linear, and real exploration is strictly limited. I only encountered a couple invisible walls, but it is very common to find Starbeast sliding off of any surface not deemed essential, which even includes large objects right in the middle of the game. This irritates me, because I enjoy manipulating games to explore their limits, but the real problem is that this applies everywhere. At one point - well, make that the last thing that I did before I switched the game off for good - I was stuck fighting some sort of contrived scrap-beast. Twice I died from mis-judging a jump to the bottom area, causing me to land on a slight slope leading down to firey, off-limits death pits, whereupon I slid my way down with no chance to save myself. Taking good care to not expose Starchild to atypical gravity forces, I succeeded in engaging, and passing, the boss QTE, which allowed me to lower a bridge by exploded pre-selected rocks with my electricity. Glad to be done with that nonsense, I jumped down to the bridge, where I promptly slid off and was reset to before the boss. This is a problem that I had throughout, especially fighting enemies near ledges. If I happened to initiate any sort of combo on these poorly-placed arses, it would often end up carrying me a step too far and into the great nothingness. Avoidable? Certainly. Good? Certainly not. Thankfully, this also seemed to affect enemies on their own. I would often be in an empty room, yet receive notifications and bonuses for soldiers falling to their deaths, or, in a particularly fabulous moment, watched an endlessly respawning line of jetpack-equipped wookies jumping onto my bridge, only to fall backwards off the edge and die. Hm, thinking about it, perhaps they weren't wookies at all, but oversized lemmings - some of them would actually land safely, yet run back to join their dying compatriots.

I'm starting to ramble, so I hope by now you've come to understand that this is an average hack n slash romp with many small problems: some mediocre, some irritating. The story seemed surprisingly decent with good voice actors, but the most recent part had introduced the cliche, ridiculously garbed (oh boy, cleavage!) sexy blonde love interest, so I doubt that I'm missing out on much. Even if I was, I'd much rather read a plot summary than actually put the effort into the game for it. It's really just a slightly less than average game wrapped up in modern graphics and a fancy license - if this didn't have the Star Wars name and music, I highly doubt any people would give it the time.

Verdict: Fail [4.5/10]

http://www.lucasarts.com/games/theforceunleashed/

Ninja Gaiden II (2008)

Ninja Gaiden games are not for those with weak constitutions - they weren't 20 years ago, and they most certainly aren't now. Much like Metroid, this series made the jump from 2D successfully in the previous console generation, instantly entrenching its place amongst the most hardcore of action games. Four years, two expansions, a remake, and a port later, Team Ninja finally released a true sequel.

Like its predecessor, Ninja Gaiden II is a punishing game. However, although the difficulty is quite high, almost frustratingly so for newcomers, it is achieved in a totally legitimate fashion, unlike the great majority of games today. Every enemy in the game down to the most common foot soldier is totally capable of handing your ass to you; not through artificial mechanisms like rubber-banding or skewed damage/health levels, but by actually being competently programmed. Your foes will capitalize on blind spots, gang up on you, attack from afar, grab when you block - they will do anything in their power to take you down. Did you forget about that ninja who's crawling around on what remains of their limbs? Well, he'll latch on if he gets close, exploding shuriken in his mouth, a suicidal kamikaze bent on taking down that extra bit of your health. Prepare to be overwhelmed, humiliated, and brutally defeated at every step of the way. But just like before, it's totally worth it. There is a way out of every situation, and if you put the effort into understanding this, the game will be yours to control. The hardest teachers are always the ones that impart the best knowledge, and nothing shows this better than how easy killing earlier enemies becomes as you progress. The fighting controls in Ninja Gaiden II are a slightly finessed and tweaked, yet familiar style for anyone who played the first game. Combos have become more powerful and useful, which means that the player is no longer dependent on Flying Swallow spamming in tough situations. The extra weapons have likewise become more viable, with only slight differences in usefulness, allowing players to successfully fight with whichever ones they prefer. Fighting is smooth and satisfying, now with 500% more gore through the addition of severable limbs and quick executions. You just can't beat watching Ryu cut off the last leg off a ninja with the Dragon Sword, then decapitate him viciously as he stands, propped upright on rigid stumps. It feels fantastic, and looks just as good. Another new aspect is a more lenient health system, featuring light damage that is regenerated when enemies aren't present, accumulated serious damage that needs to be healed with specific items, and save points that completely fill you up the first time you save at them. Gone are the days of redoing sections over and over to make it through with the least damage in order to conserve healing items, replaced with a much more friendly system that helps keep the game moving.

Visuals, presentation, and the settings have all been improved, too. Of course, Ninja Gaiden II is shiny and modern, well removed from the early oXbox days, but the art direction is far more interesting. Whether I was running through the early skyscraper-laden neoTokyo rooftops or fighting in a werewolf gladiator battle, there were so many memorable moments in the game that really stuck out and stayed with me. I don't want to give many details, because it's best that you experience them first-hand, but I was far more entertained with the world presented here than I've been in a long time. Combine that with some of the most legitimately badass cut-scenes and fights (even normal ones) around, and you'll start to see what a gem Ninja Gaiden II is. The story is completely inconsequential, but it's a fun little take on divine creation and common folklore (Elizebeth Bathory and a rather Rasputin-esque character figure prominently), and I certainly appreciated that they at least made a unique tale that matched the outlandish nature of the game. The female companion for Ryu is rather laughable, however. She quickly goes from ginormous-titted, gun-wielding CIA operative to damsel in distress status relegated to saying, "Oh, Ryu." Actually, I have a sort of admiration for Itagaki's so over-the-top approach on her that it becomes nigh-on parody of female characters in games. I highly doubt he meant it that way, but I still applaud his frankly blatant fanservice.

Of course, all is not honey and cinnamon here. The biggest offender lies in the horrendous camera that is inexplicably unchanged from the first game. Although it's mostly noticeable in the earlier parts of the game and on certain boss fights, there's really no way around it - the camera sucks in just about every way a camera can in the 3D, action-oriented setting. However, the more you play, the less you'll notice it as you stop expecting the game to play nice and start anticipating the attacks from around blind corners. It's really not a huge deal once you get into things, but it's really jarring at first. In addition to that, the bosses can be rather hit-or-miss. While the common enemies are always a joy to fight (even the annoying ones like the blade-wielding zombie dogs or explosive shuriken-spamming spider ninjas), the bosses vary from extremely easy to beat, seemingly insurmountable until you understand them, or merely trite and annoying. This is most obvious at the end of the game, when you fight a projectile-heavy wanker full of unavoidable attacks right before going on to the mandatory bow shenanigans of the final boss. I really didn't mind any of the parts too much until I got to that, but it's a bit of a drag to end the game so poorly.

In the end, you should know if this sort of game is worth your time. If you're really itching to throw yourself into it and aren't afraid of coming out sore and bruised, then I really can't recommend this enough. If you're not huge into highly challenging games or the action-oriented hack and slash gameplay, you should definitely rent or demo this beforehand. I got fairly far into the first Ninja Gaiden before losing interest, but this one kept me riveted the entire time. Ninja Gaiden II isn't perfect by any means, but it's still a masterpiece. Now that Itagaki is free of Tecmo, I expect him to produce something flawless, but that is to be seen with the future, and for now we can fill the time with more demonic blunt force castrations.

Verdict: Win [4/5]

http://www.xbox.com/en-US/games/splash/n/ninjagaiden2/default.htm

Call of Duty: World at War (Xbox 360, 2008)

Having never played much Call of Duty 4, I am likely exactly the kind of reviewer that Treyarch wants for their latest foray into WW2 shooters, Call of Duty: World at War. Someone who is fresh to the experience and won't see everything through Modern Warfare-tinted lenses is a rather unique thing, as the previous game from Infinity Ward was tremendously popular, and likely lead to a lot of the interest in World at War. In a rather amusing twist, World at War is so good that it's made me want to play Modern Warfare next.

I have never been much of a console shooter player. I was a semi-competitive Quake player back in the day, and played in Cal leagues for Counterstrike in my post-high school years. Firmly entrenched in my PC roots, I saw no reason to move to inferior control schemes, bad multiplayer matchmaking, and an insurmountable lack of mods for the likes of Halo. Call of Duty: World at War is the first real console FPS that I've enjoyed in a very, very long time.

The singleplayer campaign isn't fantastic, but it does have it's moments. Slinging lead in the Pacific theater as Private Miller, you'll be treated to Japanese Banzai attacks, hopelessly doomed beach assaults, and the iconic voice of Kiefer Sutherland as Corporal Roebuck guiding you through it all. The Soviet missions have you taking on the role of Private Dimitri Petrenko, whose superpower is apparently immortality coupled with an amazing ability to never get promoted despite accomplishing feats of warfare that would make the great generals of history weep. The Soviet missions tend to be a bit more urban-oriented, and I challenge you to recognize Gary Oldman as the voice of your snipin' Sergeant Reznov.

If you feel yourself swaying more towards the "buy it" side of the fence, allow me to give you a short exercise that will increase your survivability a thousandfold in World at War. Pick up a 360 controller and hold it as you would while playing any FPS game. Now, hit the right bumper button. A lot. Keep going. Yep, keep going. Do this for a few solid minutes, until your finger is about ready to rebel and attack your soft, fleshy parts with a vicious mutiny of nail-scratching fury. The cause of all this bodily strain? Grenades. Call of Duty: World at War requires that you can hit the RB within milliseconds of an on-screen indicator showing up in order to stay alive. It's a great idea in theory; you can throw grenades back at your enemy and stay alive in the meantime. However, the system relies on a grenade detection warning flashing up on your screen that simply does not always work. Equally annoying are the number of times in the singleplayer campaigns where you turn a corner into a grenade that the seemingly clairvoyant AI threw at you just long enough ago to make it explode the moment you try to pick it up.

World at War is an extremely unforgiving singleplayer experience on it's harder difficulty settings. Priding myself on my background with shooters, I decided to at least jump in at the Harder (though not quite Veteran) level. Though easy enough at first, some levels had me throwing the controller around the room and pulling out what little is left of my hair in frustration. I wasn't dying because I was playing badly, I was dying because there simply was no chance to live amongst the torrential hail of grenades the enemy kept throwing my way. If I knew now what I knew then, I would simply skip the singleplayer campaign and go right to the excellent multiplayer offering, but I was lured in by the fact that almost all of the achievements are for singleplayer. Yes, you read that right. Call of Duty: World at War has very few multiplayer achievements of any kind. There are a few co-op ones and a couple of multiplayer ones scattered about, but the bulk of the achievements are for the singleplayer campaign, and a rather large portion of THOSE are for playing on Veteran difficulty. Not my cup of tea, thanks, but it does speak to how highly Treyarch thinks of their own singleplayer experience, I suppose.

The bulk of my time with World at War has been spent in the multiplayer. I haven't had this much fun (or frustration) with a multiplayer console shooter since the original Gears of War, and certainly not with any other FPS. Perhaps it's because this is the first time I've been introduced to the enthralling levelling/class/perk system, which allows the player to gain experience points by killing enemies or completing challenges in multiplayer matches in order to customize their loadouts and abilities. Perhaps it's because I love World War 2 weapons and using them on the virtual battlefield. Perhaps it's because every time I hear the cheesy ass announcer screech "VICTORY FOR GERMANYYYY" when my team steamrolls some Cossaks I get a chill up my spine. (Side note - do the Japanese really always have to talk about shame and dishonor? Come on guys, you can do better than that.) Perhaps it's a combination of all of those things and more, but the point is that World at War does console multiplayer right.

There are some nicks on the surface, though. At the start, you're going to feel dramatically underpowered compared to everyone else. They all have better weapons than you, better perks than you, and they're going to be running circles around you on the maps that you don't know yet. It can be a little intimidating, but a few games in and you'll be hooked, trying to unlock the damned STG 44 that's killed you a dozen times in the past three minutes. The maps, while fantastic setpieces for a firefight, have some problems. Since they have multiple pathways which allow for deep flanking maneuvers, you're either going to be giddy as a schoolboy to sneak up on your enemy snipers unawares, or about to burst at the seams with rage because you just spawned right on top of three flanking enemy soldiers and didn't even have a chance to fire your weapon before they blew you away. Just when you think it can't get any worse, you'll respawn just close enough for their movement to catch you a second time, or for their grenade to land right at your feet as you come to life, eager for revenge. This happens a little too often for my tastes, and means that sometimes you're going to lose, and you're going to lose hard. The attack dogs that you or your opponent can call in after a seven-kill streak seem to be capable of Matrix-style bullet dodging, and your connection most definitely will affect how well you will play more than I like in any game that doesn't let me pick my own damned server.

No matter the problems, though, World at War accomplishes something that I, the great game cynic, never thought possible. It sucked me into a really fun console shooter with multiplayer, and impressed the living hell out of me. In spite of my gripes and preconceived notions about console shooters, I've played it almost every day for the past couple of weeks, and I have no intention of stopping any time soon. Treyarch have produced the pinnacle of modern (ha!) WW2 shooters here, and it's not to be missed.

Verdict: Win [8.5/10] (Seriously, fuck the STG)

Gears of War 2 (2008)

The original Gears of War was a simple, but satisfying, tactical shooter for the XBOX 360. Focused around a fast-paced cover system and exaggerated machismo, Gears 1 kept things visceral, most notably with the chainsaw-equipped guns used to render enemies into juicy piles of flesh. The story was cliche and plain, providing a loose motivation for the gameplay that never got in the way. Aside from an irritating vehicle level, the campaign for Gears 1 was a consistently engaging path of destruction through waves of enemies. Conversely, the multiplayer was poorly thought out and skewed to the host, causing it to grow stale quickly.

As you might expect, Gears of War 2 goes the Hollywood route of trying to expand every aspect. The graphics are prettier, the levels and enemies are bigger, the story has been filled out, and there are more characters and weapons. Sadly, the Hollywood blockbuster sequel analogy works all too well, in that Gears 2 dilutes everything that was good about the original. But before I get into that, let's see what did turn out good. The graphics are pretty, damn pretty. Some of the areas and enemies are gorgeous to look at, especially the outdoor scenes.

Some. Most of them are just copy-pasted rock and rubble sections or temple-esque buildings. Gone is the feel of fighting in the abandoned streets of your home, replaced by the feel of fighting in a bunch of really boring tunnels. There's strangely no sense of immersion to the levels. Although they can be stunning to look at, I never felt like I was really fighting in the burning ruins of a city or a cave full of luminescent fungi. This is partially from being whisked through each area and encounter, but it really comes down to the fact that the actual fights are never in these beautiful areas. Whether it's due to technical limitations or to help enemy visibility, or even because you mostly fight in underground locations, the encounters are always behind the same old rocky walls and pillars.

Ok, so how about the gameplay? Gears 2 sticks closely to the original, with only slight tweaks to the formula. Yet, somehow, it fails to be engaging or entertaining at all. I played on Hardcore, the hardest starting difficulty, and felt absolutely no challenge or thrill from the fights. A large part of the blame for this lies in the level design. Almost all encounters in Gears 2 are linear and rarely allow for flanking or any tactics more interesting than moving to the next closest source of cover. There is a strange feeling that the fights were made easy and simple to keep players moving, constantly encountering new situations. On top of this, Gears 2 has a large focus on "epic" encounters with large enemies, which means that you'll often be fighting from one platform or another using the scripted heavy weapon to defeat these behemoths. Slightly entertaining at first, these scenarios lose all impact after you've killed your tenth Brumak with all the care of an annoying fly. Oh, and remember the stupid vehicle section from the first game? Epic are proud to say they've addressed that by doing it even more, albeit making these sections as unchallenging as the rest of the game.

If that isn't enough, they had to go and force a "deeper" story into the game every five minutes. Every quick fight is capped off by a banal cut-scene or transmission. Rather than keeping the story unobtrusive, Gears 2 takes it upon itself to pretend it's important and meaningful. Be prepared to see Dom's softer side, which is about as involving as internet fanfic. It gets especially laughable when pivotal plot moments are essentially forgotten a cut-scene later. Marcus is thankfully more or less the same, never wasting time going beyond his hardened soldier routine, while new cliches Tai and Dizzy add absolutely nothing to the story. Now, you really wouldn't expect this to be that big of a hangup. It's a war-themed shooter based around testosterone and cliches, who the fuck cares, right? The problem comes in that it disrupts the gameplay too frequently. When the gameplay is already ephemeral enough, it doesn't help matters to break it up with mind-numbing story points.

As far as the campaign is considered, I give it an epic fail. There were only a couple fights near the end that I actually enjoyed, and I would never consider playing through it again unless I was extremely bored. Even Halo 3's campaign was far more entertaining than this.

But we can't forget multiplayer, and this is where the meat lies. The online gameplay has been tweaked to make for a more tactical flow, including the ability to plant grenade mines and stopping power for weapons to cut down on the roll-and-shotgun gameplay that rose out of Gears 1. Once XBOX Live irons its problems out, this should be a rewarding mode to keep the game entertaining. However, the real joy of Gears 2 is the Horde mode. This tasks a group of teammates (up to 5 people) to survive for as long as possible against increasingly difficult waves of enemies. Here, new additions like the portable shield and mortar rise to their full potential, becoming necessary for keeping down the relentless Horde. This mode alone makes the game worth getting, albeit maybe not until it's cheaper.

Many people, gamers and reviewers alike, seem to express opinions far different from mine, yet I found Gears of War 2 to be a huge disappointment. However, if you're looking for a worthwhile new multiplayer game to sink into, you should check it out.

Verdict: Indifference [3/5] (ten shitloads indeed)

http://gearsofwar.xbox.com/AgeGate.htm

Fable 2 (2008)

There's a lot to be said about Peter Molyneux's latest baby, Fable 2. I'll start with the good things.

The meat of the Fable 2 is combat, plain and simple. Fortunately, combat in Fable 2 is actually quite fun. It almost feels like a Devil May Cry-lite, with surprisingly tight controls and highly enjoyable thwacks and bangs. To get the most out of the experience, you'll want to play a balanced character, which is good, because the game basically forces you down this path anyway. Headshotting Hollow Men with a flintlock pistol is a glorious thing, and combat is really the saving grace of the entire experience.

For all the speculation and pre-release hatred that the Dog was given, your Dog is fucking cool. It's great to put on an eyepatch and see your little pup grow a black patch of fur over their eye. It's even cooler when your pup limps around after taking some hits in battle and you feel a twang of pain in your heart, cursing the shitty "expression wheel" control scheme as you try and dig out your magical "heals all dog wounds forever" potion. You really and truly grow to love the dog in Fable 2, Molyneux wasn't blowing smoke on this at all. While I would've liked to see the dog morph a bit more, like your character, and maybe even adapt it's breed to match your ethos, it's a bit like asking for gold-flaked sprinkles on your already delicious sundae.

On the more average tilt, the "social" aspects of Fable 2 are pretty much as uninteresting as they were in the first game. Yes, having a wife that you can fuck and produce offspring with is fairly amusing for a few moments, but that's really all there is to it. Villagers crowd around to watch you fart, or dance, or whatever, and you can choose to invest in property or businesses to produce some income every few minutes. I'm not really sure what the supposed point is of all this, because I never found one in all my time with this game. I suppose it makes for some good forum posts and it's a novel way to expand upon gameplay options, but it's just not nearly as interesting or rewarding as the combat.

Being a Lionhead game, Fable 2 has it's share of bugs ranging from the eyebrow-raising to the controller-tossing. Reports of broken quests, broken saves, and all manner of progress-blocking interface weirdness flood the internet, and although I didn't personally experience anything game breaking, I did cock my head a bit every time my wife would look at me with her big, whore eyes and say "Oh, I love you so much" and follow it up with an immediate declaration of "You murderer! I'll never forgive you!"

Though it will definitely have it's supporters, I found the story of Fable 2 to be abominable. It's a generic revenge tale with some highly predictable elements and some less-than-stellar delivery and pacing. The truly odd thing about the story is that Fable 2 will definitely make you feel emotion in ways that other games with far better story and delivery can't. It's almost like reading a children's book that you've read a dozen times already. You know where it's been and where it's going, but there are still some great moments buried in there. Unfortunately, there are also still plenty of moments that fall flat on their faces. Some, like the ending(s), are too significant to be forgiven.

Also on the list of detriments, the art style is still mostly uninspired and bland, and there just aren't enough cool hats or other clothing for your character. The co-op is so feature-starved - lacking even independent camera control and the ability to play your own hero for the second player - that I can't in good conscience recommend it to anyone. Ignore the pre-release claims of Fable 2 being accessible to non-gamers; it's not, at all. The combat can be very frustrating to beginners, and the interface is so obtuse and flat out crappy that only a console RPG player could use it. Even then, those of us raised on the NES-era menus will stumble from time to time.

There isn't a whole lot to say from a metal standpoint about Fable, unfortunately. I played through the first time as evil as I possibly could, sacrificing peasants and even a few spouses to the Temple of Darkness, or whatever it is. The unfortunate thing is that the "evil" elements, at least for the player, are played off as laughably silly. "Friday is poker night" you hear on your first visit inside the Temple. You gain entrance by eating crispy chicks, fried chicken nuggets. You sacrifice your victims with a giant spinning wheel that determines their method of death. You get the idea. Lionhead never really seems to nail "evil" in this game except for the portrayal of some of the villains. Note: some. Despite playing through the entire game as a murdering, thieving shitbag, I never really felt like a villain. I would love to see future installments get downright satanic, but I doubt it will ever happen.

Fable 2 is a conundrum. This review has turned up far more criticism than praise, and yet I really liked it. Each and every time I played it, I was having so much fun that I could easily ignore it's flaws, and yet when I wasn't playing, the flaws were all I could think of. Fortunately for me, I kept coming back for more and rarely stopped to reflect on the holes in the experience. I would be remiss not to deduct some points, though, for the awful co-op implementation and the miserable story. All in all, Fable 2 is a good game with hints of both greatness and mediocrity, and so I do bestow a "win" upon it.

Verdict: Win (7/10)

http://www.lionhead.com/fable2/Default.aspx