Terror 2000 - Terror for Sale (2005)

With their third album, Terror 2000 continued to polarize their intentions, moving further into an awkward, silly lyrical territory while continuing to utilize the same rhythmic thrust, led by the twin guitars of Ideberg and Sword. This was also the first album on which Speed himself did not perform the bass, those duties being taken on by Dan Svensson. It also feels really 'samey' sounding, as if nearly every riff on the entire record were already used on one of the previous outings, and they're just re-assembled here and dowsed in hideously unfunny lyrics.

I'm serious. These are not even remotely comic in the crudest of sense, an endless rattling off of cliches that forever haunt the metal life style, or shall I qualify that as the 'rock star' lifestyle. Drink booze, take some drugs, party, and pay lip service to your metal heroes. An endless cycle of excess! Truly this is artistry on the cutting edge of the surreal! You see, when Tankard wrote songs like "Commandments" and "Zombie Attack", it was the 80s. It was actually pretty funny then, because for all the silliness, they were played rather straight, and the very practice of humor in metal was still quite novel. By 2005, this is long past its expiration date, and hearing self-referential tripe about being a rock and roll star, no matter how ironic, just feels too hammy to evoke a genuine giggle.

I wanna be a hunk with a metalguitar, cause people tell me i could go pretty far
I need some kicks as in Kerry King licks, and get the chicks by the bar
Now its lunchtime, cut the barbwire, I'm going to the deli and get myself a wrap
Life is crazy, this job makes me a suicidal freak feeling like crap

Such are the insights of "King Kong Song", one of many ill titles on this record, that include the "Metal Mosh Massacre", "Wrath of the Cookie Monster", and "Satans Barbecue". Perhaps the one title I smiled at was "Liquor Saved me From Sports", because it seems like there could be some truth in that. But in the end, there's just no overarching concept to Terror 2000 which is the measure of all of metal's funniest acts. Cliche after cliche, and the goofy vocal whining mantras the band includes in tracks like "Flesh Fever Fiesta" really drag this album down the gutter, no matter how many violent, thrashing outbursts the guitars have lined up.

Oh, and they do thrash, with the same level of tireless momentum that Faster Disaster displayed, and a denser, thicker tone. But there's nothing novel about the band's energy this time, and in fact, it all feels pretty exhausting here. Speed is sounding even closer to his 21st century Soilwork vocals, which have grown even more in tune to Anselmo, though he adds more gang shouting atmosphere here, some growls, and avoids the melodies of his main band. The solos are pretty boss, wheeling and winding their way below the retarded lyrics, and this is really the downfall here. They're like a fecal frosting on your birthday cake, signed 'Metal is here to stay', and unless you're the odd scat lover, you will probably never bring your business the that bakery again.

Verdict: Indifference [5/10] (yes I'm a fake but don't you tell anyone)

http://www.terror2000.net/

Terror 2000 - Slaughter in Japan (2003)

This Swedish collaboration must have been a hot commodity at some point, or why else would a label drop a live album after a mere two studio efforts? It's not like they're the Jonas Brothers. Like all lucky flashes in the pan, Terror 2000 struck a match in one of the world's most tasteful nations, Japan, and this record was recorded there in 2003 when they were touring with the German legends Destruction. From the sound of this, it might not have been the best idea to release it, because the band's live sound is not really on par with the studio counterparts, and in particular Speed seems like he's half choking on his own vocals, or too drunk to stand up straight. The bass also feels a little too loud, like a bomb, and the riffs are not as precise or fluid as one would expect.

Then again, these guys perform such intense riffs that one can hardly fault them for not living up to the land of constant re-takes and overdubs. For what it's worth, they come close enough not to sound sloppy. These guys had only two records out, so the material is divided up pretty evenly. Slaughterhouse Supremacy is represented with "Terror 2000", "Firebolt", "Son of a Gun, Daughter of a Slaughter", "Slaughterhouse Supremacy". Faster Disaster's contribution to the set includes "Burn Out in Blood", "Faster Disaster", "Back With Attack" and "Menace of Brutality". That's right, no "I'm Speed at Night", which is by far my favorite song by this band. Robbery! I guess the only 'treat' on the album is an unexpected cover of Elvis Presley's "(You're the) Devil in Disguise", but sadly this is pretty lame, with Speed in a stupor over the bluesy grooves and the attempts to jack it up to Terror 2000 pacing falling a little flat. The band introduction sounds a little awkward...I guess YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

I can think of no real impetus to purchase this live effort, unless you like to collect plastic things, so that you can pass some mounting burden on to your younglings when you die. The band don't really pull off a studio level of sound here, and even if that's not what you expect, you will still wind up somewhat disappointed. The cover song is flaccid and forgettable, and all we really take away from this is, and the live pics on their website, is that Terror 2000 are lucky bastards who got to play thrash metal in Japan and have a blast doing so. Envy aside, this is a dump.

Verdict: Fail [4/10]

http://www.terror2000.net/

Terror 2000 - Faster Disaster (2002)

Terror 2000 could have very well been a one shot project, the band's members shaking hands and going their separate ways, back to the careers that enabled the project's existence in the first place, and the integrity of their name held in place. However, it's clear that Speed, Nick, and Klas were enjoying themselves all too much for that scenario, and so, two years later, the second effort, Faster Disaster arrived. Now, I haven't broken out the actual speedometer to make a scientifically accurate comparison, but it seems the title is not a joke, because there is even more vitriol and hypertension packed into this sophomore, not to mention that the riffs are just better in general, and Nick and Klas are in such a focused frenzy here that they somehow concoct a few that really stand out.

Unfortunately, not all is well in terror-land, because the band have seemed to up the dose of silly, self-referential lyrics, as if Terror 2000 were some imaginary force of thrash police that were about to break in your door and make everything alright by savaging your wife and property. Often, a band can pull this off. Some have made entire careers out of it. But in the case of these Swedes, who hail from bands that one might actually consider somewhat intelligent if they don't possess some overarching bias against Swede metal, it just feels a rather rotten joke that no one is in on, and that no one could ever care about. For fuck's sake, 'no one' will be so busy banging his head to these riffs, developing serious neck cramps, that he probably won't care less about the lame lyrics. To be fair, not all of them are all that stupid, though most meaningless and silly cliches of no import.

But, gods, the riffing is crazy here. I'll pick out my personal favorite here, "I'm Speed at Night", which is just a wall of intricate, super charged fretboard frenzy that races by at such an intense speed, you run clean of any conditioned physical response within 30-60 seconds. I can't say I'm a huge fan of Speed's vocals over this, they sound like a Phil Anselmo if he was far more into his alma mater's thrashing potential than whatever drug was 'cool' that week. But they're enough to serve as further mind bludgeoning, as the track races through beautiful riff after riff to a wild solo that I would not kick out of bed for crackers. There are others nearly as packed with good wholesome guitar work, like "Back With Attack" and "Stalkers in the Night", and then there are also a few slower tunes like "Menace of Brutality" which take their time to arrive at their goals of lightning speed. But arrive they do!

Faster Disaster is a well-produced album, with a new drummer in tow, Erik Thyselius (who has also played in Construcdead and Face Down). The guitar tones are even more crisp and revealing than the debut, and really everything about it is a step up from Slaughterhouse Supremacy. The style is the same, but the riffs are just stickier, and it might be worth looking past the lame, unfunny lyrics to attain this, especially if you're a fan of the immortal thrashing guitar volleys of the 80s like Artillery, Tankard, Sodom, Destruction and Kreator.

Verdict: Win [7.25/10] (you love it when you're dead)

http://www.terror2000.net/

Terror 2000 - Slaughterhouse Supremacy (2000)

Formed only a few years into the careers of their 'main' bands, Terror 2000 seemed like a dream collaboration around the turn of the century, as it combined the wild antics and intense vocals of Soilwork frontman Bjorn "Speed" Strid with the high speed chase, intricate riffing of Darkane's Klas Ideberg. Filing in the blanks on this debut were guitarist Nick Sword and drummer Henry Ranta, also of Soilwork. The objective here was to create some bone crunching thrash, ranging from a mid-paced thrust to a staggering velocity, and with riffs busy enough to recall bands like Kreator or Artillery in their prime. This is more or less what the band have produced, though it's also highly reminiscent of At the Gates' breakthrough album Slaughter of the Soul, and thus the first two Soilwork records, with the difference being the complexity of Ideberg and Sword's guitars.

From a technical standpoint, this has most of what you'd want out of a modern thrash effort. Terror 2000 did not seem like the sort of band that would brake for anyone, and thus most of the tracks here are performed with neck breaking speed while the endless riffs careen and collide against the peppy back beat. Strid sounds a lot like his work on the earlier Soilwork albums, and the album is void of his cleaner singing, or the over-zealous Phil Anselmo barks and yeah yeah grunts he would later develop towards. Here he is the Tomas Lindberg stepchild he had originally set out to be, but it helps that Slaughterhouse Supremacy does not seem the sort of thrash throwback record which spends all of its presence fooling around. This album is not as self-referential as the following efforts, with the exception of the namesake "Terror 2000", and feels like an honest attempt to light a firecracker under the listener's arse.

So, is it any good? Well, for the 32 minutes it exists, the material is passable if you just want a raucous headbanging and if you can get absorbed in the guitars, because they really make up the core of this bands capabilities. Think Steelbath Suicide or Rusted Angel, and subtract the more atmospheric elements that made those records memorable, then add kerosene. For an album in which considerable effort was invested to the composition of the riffs, most seem to blow buy without provoking much of a lasting impact. The intro to "Firebolt" reminds me a little of Pantera's "Shattered", but the rest of the track is pretty wild, like an 18-wheeler death race pileup on a narrow mountain road. "Elimination Complete" is a pretty good mix of tech thrash and melodeath/metalcore, with a decent atmosphere to the chorus. "Crypt of Decay", "Terror 2000" and "Son of a Gun, Daughter of a Slaughter" are fast and fun, with some head spinning guitar work but I wouldn't award them any staying value.

Slaughterhouse Supremacy is like a 14 year old getting his rocks off, whether in the palm of his hand or some unfortunate who's in just as much of a hurry to grow up as he is. It's exciting and it gets the blood pumping faster to the heart. However, like the cold, dry reality of city concrete or the pavement at the local speedway, it really lacks in a soul, and as a result it's not as impressive as the amount of energy the band obviously placed in its creation.

Verdict: Indifference [6.5/10]

http://www.terror2000.net/