Helloween - Unarmed (2010)

I suppose I can give Helloween a little credit for holding off a quarter of a century into their career before slapping us with the lame, obligatory acoustic album, which I'm sure I've ranted on about before as a major pox within the hard rock and heavy metal scenes. To go a little further, the Germans didn't just decide to sit around and record your bland and typical 'campfire acoustic' sort or album, but to render a number of cuts throughout their career into soft rock tracks. Sure, you get the cleaner and milder guitars as expected, but there are beats, horns, and whatever the group can muster to make these heavy metal classics sound like they belonged on major lamestream radio channels in the 80s and 90s. There is always this tendency to feel like such adaptations help a band reveal its more touchy, feely, kid-friendly emotional side, but the real rub here is that Helloween has already possessed those qualities in spades, even when they were plugged in and cranked up in distorted bliss, howling and screaming along their brilliant, anthemic power metal.

So this is basically what Billy Joel, Meat Loaf or Miami Sound Machine might have sounded like recording a whole record of Helloween covers, but with Andi still singing. It just doesn't function on any appreciable level other than comedy that NOBODY ASKED FOR. The songs can't decide whether they want to really go for that lighter touch, or maintain the intensity, so you've got the drums still pounding along and very little of the mighty guitar power or momentum over them to matter. Hearing a sax solo in the center of "Dr. Stein" is goofy as all hell, or a version of "Future World" which sounds like its being performed for a Country jamboree warmup to a Christian Rock concert. Tunes like the throbby soft rock "If I Could Fly" and the folksy jig version of "Perfect Gentleman" lack all the punch required of those amazing riffs and choruses. Where they get really dramatic, like the purer piano balladry of this "Forever & One", it does seem a little more fitting as an alternate, but then "I Want Out" brings you back to the realization that this whole idea is unnecessary and unwated.

Just because you're a popular, veteran band with a bunch of record contracts doesn't mean you need to work yourself up to something like Unarmed. Just because you CAN, does not mean you SHOULD. I am not one to scoff entirely at every idea to trivialize and make heavy metal into an amusing form...if Helloween had sponsored, say, an 8-bit chip-tune covers album of their material, that might actually be awesome. But who needed this plastic pop rock castration? Find them and bring them forward, so we may stone or waterboard them or whatever torture seems appropriate that they relent. The bonus DVD with a couple videos, or the 1-2 tracks here that don't go completely belly-up in their translations just don't make up for all the rubbish you've got to rummage through to get to them. This nonsense makes Pink Bubbles Go Ape sound inspirational by comparison. Fortunately Helloween is such an excellent band on a normal basis that this doesn't really dull my perception of the band other than as some sort of unfortunate, ironic gag that didn't stick the landing.

Verdict: Fail [3.25/10]

https://www.helloween.org/

Death Angel - Under Pressure EP (2020)

I have almost no interest whatsoever in acoustic recordings from metal bands. There, I said it. It's not that I harbor a particular disdain for the style; I can recall fiddling with a 12-string around a beach fire with some friends and having a blast. I don't mind the instrument being used for a shimmery or melancholic interlude, or an intro, or even being tastefully woven into some epic with the electric instruments, but I was never an Unplugged fan, and only once in awhile did I appreciate the nuance brought to a track when it's spun off into an acoustic version. Plug in and thrash my face off. When I saw there was a new Death Angel EP out, and they were covering the Queen/David Bowie hit "Under Pressure" as its center piece, I thought it'd be cool for a listen, but the prospect of four acoustic tunes, one of which is a new version of a song that was ALREADY an acoustic track (in part), the mercury was hardly busting out the head of my thermometer.

To be fair, the thrashers' acoustic rendition of the title track with the multiple vocals is enthusiastic, in no way something I'm going to ever steer towards over the original, but it's clear they put a lot of effort and emotion into it, and despite a little excess silliness balancing these vocals against Mercury and Bowie, it is the strongest tune of the four here. "Faded Remains", an original, is an attempt at a Death Angel country or folk cut that falls fairly short, it really just never hits that catchiness that it's striving for, and I found it a bit monotonous even with the solid backup harmonies and a decent performance from Mark Osegueda which if nothing else proves he's more than capable of handling the style. The new version of "A Room with a View" might sound fun sitting on the porch in the shade, watching the breeze stir the trees, but it never picks up with the 'oomph' of the original and thus doesn't exactly justify it's inclusion. Probably the greatest departure is "Revelation Song", being rendered down from its heavier version on Humanicide, and interestingly they keep it fairly aggressive, harsh and bluesy despite using the acoustic guitars, and I'd have to say this was the only other track besides "Under Pressure" that I thought was alright.

Ultimately, even as a fan who enjoys a number of the Death Angel records, I wasn't too thrilled by what Osequeda and Rob Cavestany put together here. It's pretty bland visually and aurally, though the execution of the guitars and vocals is adequate; it's not their first rodeo with these chiller vibes. I look at it this way: just a harmless, short filler release for themselves (and whatever fans might be interested), and it's better to get this idea out of the way and focus on keeping the thrash train on the tracks. In times like we're all having lately this sort of sentimental offering will surely reach some sympathetic ears, but I maintain that I simply don't think it's all that compelling a direction for this band to delve into much further. Not garbage by any means, but neither is it that inspiring. Let's break out those copies of that magnificent 1987 debut. "Voracious Souls", "Mistress of Pain", "Evil Priest". Where should you go from there? Channel those sinister teens within.

Verdict: Indifference [5/10]

https://www.deathangel.us/

Ajattara - Noitumaa (2009)

When learning that Ajattara's new album was to be an acoustic piece, I was very much expecting a slew of tracks from older albums unplugged. That is not quite what has manifested through Noitumaa.

This is a strange album, and often a little too strange. Acoustics and light percussion form the foundation for the tracks, and over this the vocals are smothered like so much butter on rye bread. At best this becomes a festive affair, as in the raucous "Massat" and the swampy twang of "Kielletyn sanat". More often it's just strange and annoying, like the opening track "Keukhot" with all its vocal foolery, or "Ikuisen aamun Sara" with its death metal riff gone acoustic (which doesn't sound very good) lapsing into a mediocre folk rock tune. At times this album sounds like something Fantomas would do if they were Finnish and using a lot of acoustic guitars...

The album is not a total waste. It's probably on par with their last full-length, Kalmanto, but of course this isn't saying much, since that was a staggering disappointment. There is enough here though to make me wonder: if Ajattara tightened up the writing and vocals, they could probably produce a phenomenal album of unique folk. But Noitumaa feels slightly too experimental for its own health. A few of the tunes work, most do not, and I am left longing for Ajattara to return to those roots that made the first four albums so bloody good.

Verdict: Indifference [5/10]

http://www.myspace.com/ajattara